The Many Ways I'd Like to Love You...
I imagine you are in my life, right now, somewhere near me. Perhaps physically or maybe sitting on the corner of your bed reading a text I just sent you to make your heart smile. I can see your face and the ways your eyes dance when you see me, the very way your mouth opens as if to say thank you for being here. Something like that and more, so much more…
Since I imagine you are here in my life, I just want you to know the many ways I plan on loving you, full-throttle, no excuses. Fearful yes, with the curdled milk in my throat of how love disappointed me, but regardless I want to jump in, my feet pounding the ground that we share. I want you to know that my every way I show up for you, to you, says yes, yes I will love you no matter what. No matter if you say something so stupid you make me want to throw my phone across the room with the text and all of it’s miscommunications. No matter if you eat weirder things than me, don’t know where Cameroon is on a map or how you forget the story I told you about when I was 12. I won’t care and it won’t matter that your lineup of women was long and the things you shared with them saucy. It won’t matter. Because right now, right here, you are with me and that should be the only thing that matters.
These are the many ways I’d like to love you…
I’d open my eyes wide to the soul I’ve been cradling for a lifetime and let only you in, inch by inch until you too were inside of my tender soul.
I’d let you look at my heart with your fingers spread across my chest so you could feel each pulse blend with yours. I’d let you.
I’d touch your face softly, so slowly and look at you with the wettest, darkest eyes, bringing my face to yours and allowing our breath to say what a lifetime couldn’t.
When you are sitting, anywhere and in all the ways you know how, I would make sure that each time I pass you, I’d touch you, stroke your brow from the heat of the sun, brush your shoulder with my small fingers, let my hip slide against your arm just to let you know that my body feels you and knows you every minute of the day.
I’d dance for you. I’d put on the song, the one that makes my spirit soar and share with you how my body moves, in tune with a series of beats and pulses that both the song and you feed me. I’d slip my body into a trance and let you in, to see, to watch, to feel what I feel for you, for life, for us.
I’d cook for you, prepare nectars and liquids to wet your appetite so you want more from me, my raw hands slicing stems and veins to nurture you, to take my fingers and feed your beautiful mouth, the one that loves to pleasure me.
When you are sad, when you are mad, when you move yourself away from me, I’d come up to you and just sit next to you, lean my head on your shoulder and not say a thing, just feeling your emotions dissolve with my silent love.
I’d laugh often, whether you make me laugh or whether I feel a giggle fit coming. I’d laugh so we can dance, so we can forget how we may have been sad for a minute or two before we met. I’d live to make you laugh…wrestle you to the ground, my small body flipping around you until you just can’t hold back the laughter.
I’d surprise you. Love letters mailed to you, love notes under your pillow after I’ve gone, picnic baskets in your car with a note telling you where to meet me, my naked body slipping into bed when you are fast asleep and waking you up to tell you how I missed your skin, weekends booked in small cottages with the doors locked behind us for days…I’d make your days filled with curiosity and the goal to make those eyes shine brighter with each moment we are alive, together, you and me.
I’d be your best friend, your lover, your soul mate and I’d never forget my roles in your life. I’d honor my place in yours, give from the surplus of love I stored in my heart and never let you forget that I chose you for a reason and I’m never giving up. Never.
I’d show you how to trust, to love and to surrender. I’d create a space to hold you as you transition into this place with me. I’d be patient and let you tell me that you’re ready, when you are. I’d hold you. Forever.
I’d be your biggest cheerleader, clapping with every accomplishment, big or small. I’d want all of your dreams to come to life and support you in every way I know how.
I’d never get lazy in my love for you. Not a day would pass where I don’t tell, whisper, share, show you how I love you…how you have given meaning to “save the best for last”. I’d work at this thing called love if on days, or times the ease has been lost and effort needs to come in. I’d roll my sleeves up and make magic happen.
And then, after all of this, or during all of this, I’d make love to you in such a way that words couldn’t begin to describe our union, the ecstasy an expression of the inner work of our souls. I would touch your body with the balance between softness and rapture, wanting to eat you alive and climb under your skin just to be close, closer, closest to you. I’d make this sacred and sensual so that you know that this was waiting for you from the day I was born, my body fitting yours in perfect unison. You would feel all of me under your touch, our bodies wrapped in the sweetest juice of our lives, I’d love you.
Because I know you are here and I know you are reading this, somewhere out there in the ethers, I would tell you not to worry. I’m not going anywhere.
I’m here and I’m not leaving…