How Love Works
I fall in love all of the time. My friends like to remind me of this. But Christy you’ve loved ALL of them! In a sense they are right. I have loved all of them in some capacity, in some form and even if for a mere split second. I’ll tell you why.
Since doing Radical Self-Love the expansion and ability for me to love has quadrupled. It’s almost been uncanny. I find the goodness in people and stick to that, clinging on to only that sliver of goodness if that’s all they have. In the dating world this is probably a sure way to crucify yourself. For me it’s just an inner expression of who I truly am: love. No conditions or expectations, just love. Men haven’t known what to do with me since I don’t fit in a category for them. I introduce myself, talk about common interests and then go into the “you can’t own me, I can show up in these moments, I’m not ready…” They stare at me and mumble things like you are going to break my heart….on the first date!
Then I realized I wasn’t really in love with any of them. Loved them, sure, but not IN love with them. I was in love with the IDEA of love, the fantasy and yearning of the LOVE I had in my head. On their end I am sure I was a ball of infatuation and pre-conceived ideas of what they were programmed to THINK what love was: ownership and expectations. That wasn’t my thing. I knew there was something more to this LOVE thing.
See love is a VERB. It is a movement. It requires action and choices and decisions to FALL into it and once there, make it work no matter what. It is not a shiny ball to pick up and marvel at and the moment it dulls or cracks, to be dropped so you can run the other way. Love is an all or nothing thing. You either LOVE that person or you don’t. You either commit to staying and experiencing the ALL of it or you don’t.
One thing for sure is that LOVE doesn’t do half-ass shit. It’s full-throttle or nothing at all. Love thrives on balls out kind of stuff.
The choice is ours. We meet someone, the chemistry sends signals throughout our bodies telling us that the physical is meeting the emotional and so we go to the next level. We connect, share intimate moments, make love or not and create a friendship. The path to relationship is made up of little or bold steps until you are face to face with the RAWNESS that is love, exposing your soul to this person and a choice needs to be made.
Can I LOVE this person beyond the magic, the tangled sheets and midnight coos? Is this person more than my lover? Is our friendship strong enough to sustain us through the valleys and the unknown? Can I SHOW UP to love this person even when they are at their weakest? Is LOVE the right thing to do now?
Once that choice is made then what? Love needs action. It needs to be feed and movement needs to fuel it. It is a function that needs to happen from top to bottom, inside and outside to make LOVE WORK.
See LOVERS may be LAZY but love is not. In order for LOVE TO THRIVE, love needs to be nourished. LOVE needs two to make it Tango, to make it Jive, to make it SING!
How does this work?
Easy. You own your shit, even your imperfections and you SHOW UP. You let the other half of your LOVE circle know, that yes, YES…I want to give this a FULL GO with you. You shackle up the fears, jump in with both feet and all of your vital organs and hold your breath longer than you ever have before and COMMIT to love, loving and being loved. You forfeit your past stories and why LOVE made you sick and deflated and you start from scratch, your new heart tender, vulnerable and honest. You make sure to be heard and even more so, to HEAR your lover, even when they can’t say a damn thing. You dip into what LOVE feels like and EXPRESS it, never getting lazy, never letting life’s circumstances drown you out. You WIGGLE your way into it, learning this new dance with your beloved and laugh, cry, scream your way through it because you’re both in it TOGETHER.
LOVE is the two of you, the two parts as one and the separate parts as the “how love works”.
Do this thing called LOVE when you're called to. It's magical when it works...