About Last Night...
I'm going to get to the point on this since I just have to get this message out there. Friday night I was invited to go out with a group to Fox Fire, a cougar bar in Anaheim I had no idea existed. It has been around for years and it is actually closing tonight. I felt like dancing so I said yes.
*Just a side note: I do not judge. I am insanely aware and intricately in tune with my observations and sensations of both body and spirit. What I see with my eyes gets quickly translated not on the surface of what I observe, but the imbalances I feel within my deep-rooted intuition. Just so you know...
The line was huge and we ended up waiting an hour and a half to get in. I don't wait in lines...ever. But we were with a group chatting and so on. I observed the crowd and I immediately went within to ground and protect myself. I made a mental note: Christy do NOT touch anything. Not the walls, the bar stools...nothing. So I closed myself off, straightened my spine tight and strong and walked in with one mission: to dance.
The entire vibe from the inside and out of this place was WAY off. So much so that a fight erupted as soon as we entered with the bouncer and we were almost kicked out.
Almost but not quite. I stepped into the place and was like..WTF?! It felt like Walmart meets Porn in Vegas. Deep breath Christy...I don't drink and just stayed glued on the dance floor. I would rather pee in my cougar leggings than in those rest-rooms.
All ages, all sizes, and ALL sexual preferences. I saw tribes of Asian prostitutes, horny 80plus men grinding horny 80plus women, creeps and predators galore and this insatiable sense of greed and consumption. There was a very low, guttural echo in that place that these folks were in alignment with that just kept them sinking in quicksand.
Dramatic am I? Perhaps, but hear me out.
For the last 3 1/2 years I have been a student of intimacy, relationships, sexuality, femininity and connection. I have dated, observed, and listened. I took on the subjects of addiction, pornography full on in the last couple of years as I was sensing some DEEP discomfort from what I was seeing and experiencing. I wanted to find out why people are so dissatisfied in their relationships with others and their selves. I wanted to know how I could level up as a feminine woman so I could, at some point in my life, enjoy an awakened and deeply connected relationship with an awakened masculine man.
What this culture is heading towards is all about one thing: DISCONNECTION.
I saw and felt this from the crowd: Emotional chaos and instability Addiction Desperation and deep loneliness Dopamine rushes Lack of presence or self Greed and personal interests Wound leaking Lack of self-respect, dignity Fear
...and not anywhere did I witness sensuality, mystery, femininity or the dance of eroticism. Everyone was "dancing" but no one knew the dance of our blood-pulsing sensuality.
When we as adults cannot be present within ourselves how can we in a romantic relationship? If we can not be mindful and aware of our own desires and have a healthy sensual relationship with ourselves how can we within the context of a partnership?
We live in a pornified culture. Men are getting "educated" by porn and women are getting "groomed" by their partners. The internet has pushed us deeper into a world of sexual imbalances where the "release" is the goal and intimacy is not even on the menu. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am and both parties dive deeper down the morbid tunnel to disconnect and loneliness.
Women have to love themselves and return to what it means to be feminine and the loving container for her man. She is to discover that she is even more powerful with her legs closed, exuding her mystery and invitation to dance within her vessel of healthy eroticism once the man has EARNED his right to be there. She has to connect to her yoni and her pleasure walls to know what feels good to both body and spirit. Her beauty is how she connects from the loving and nourishing heart she has to offer her man once she has selected him, with keen outer and inner awareness.
This is why the work I do with women AND girls is so, so crucial. The future of our species is dependent on it and I don't say that flippantly. (I included the link to Dr. Patrick Carnes work on sexual addiction and 40 years of research: "We shape a culture by how people are sexual."...think about THAT?!)
Men have to be guided into their masculinity. Being born with a penis is no longer enough to rank you with the best of the men. It is actually a throbbing casualty that can take you to the demise of your being. There needs to be a reconditioning of what it means to be an on purpose man, filled with emotional balance and inner/outer strength and power. They aren't being taught and what the land of the web is promoting is that a quick jerk-off with no investment with a live, loving woman, is enough. This is why men need women like Michelle Terrell who KNOW the language and tools for men to become their best and most fabulous selves, so they can show up connecting with a meaningful and nourishing woman.
The night ended with even more eruptive anger where I witnessed a wife completely emasculate and shame her husband in front of everyone. It was so emotionally disturbing to me while at the same time, regardless of the minute details of their marriage, I knew why it happened.
I want more for my kids. I want more for myself. I want more for young girls and boys. And I want more for men and women. Because it is in our hands to re-direct this with how we relate to ourselves and then take it out into the world.
We need to be having these discussions about sexuality. We are witnessing the demise of marriages left and right and watching the "sexual" industries reap the benefits by shaping a culture to become interwoven with that low frequency of what it means to be a sexual "doing' not a sexual "being".
"All addictions are a bargain with chaos"-Dr. Patrick Carnes
This inner work is fundamental to our species. We can choose to move up into the real meaning behind sexual connections which is the interconnection of loving bodies and emotional intimacy or we can continue to buy the bullshit that a pornified agenda has in store for us.
What will it be?